Girl, You're Amazing

How often are we told in our society that we aren't good enough? That the only way we have any real value is by being better than someone else or super skinny? I just read an article in a parenting magazine about anorexic nine-year-old girls. Body image is the last thing girls that young should be worrying about! I struggle with extra weight myself; America is the only country where its poorest people can still be overweight. But I hate barfing and I enjoy food too much to consider starving.

Our capitalistic society encourages competition, where the only measure of self-worth is success, and success comes from comparison to others. I remember my first encounter with this kind of measuring. I was at my very first piano recital, around age 10. The program had the newest, least experienced students play first, and ended with the students who had been playing the longest. The last student, who was about 17 years old, played "Flight of the Bumblebee," an amazing and fun piano piece. Instead of enjoying the beautiful music, I started to cry. 

Now, I had made quite a bit of progress since starting lessons. I had learned all kinds of basic, essential musical theory, including how to read time signatures, how to recognize sharps and flats, and how to count out the rhythm in a measure of music. I was also learning to coordinate my fingers' motions to match what was written on the pages. But all I could see was how little I knew compared to the other pianist. I felt ashamed at my efforts.


There are many people in this world who feel ashamed because they do not measure up to their peers. I say the only person we should measure ourselves against is Jesus or our past selves, but you have to keep it balanced. Jesus is the perfect example of someone who is light years ahead of me; I can either be so discouraged to the point of giving up, or I can become too pious and think I'm worth more than anyone else because I behave so much better. Same thing with comparing our current self to our past self: I can either be discouraged that I've made so many mistakes, or I can become complacent and stop trying to be better.

I have long since stopped taking piano lessons, but I still play the piano. I am probably what most would consider an intermediate pianist, and I am okay with that. I actually feel closer to Christ when I play the hymns and have the verses running through my mind. It is a way I worship Him. 

I was also able to provide music at a funeral dinner a few years back. A young couple had lost their baby girl, hours after her birth. Members of the ward Relief Society were in charge of the dinner--it was a time for the ward to show their love and support for this young couple's loss. Since there were so many people helping set up, I found myself at the auditorium's stage, where a piano was hiding behind drawn curtains. I played hymns for nearly two hours, ending with some children's Primary songs I plinked out with only one hand, since I didn't know them well enough to play with both hands. The parents found me afterward and were very grateful for the calming spirit the music brought to the dinner. A professional pianist could have done no better.

I had learned to love playing piano for the art itself, not because I am better than someone else at it. We would all be so much healthier in our lives if we could love something for its own sake, not how it is compared to someone or something else.

Comparisons aren't the only way we undermine our self-worth. Bad relationships can also skew your perspective. Not hearing enough words of praise, genuine compliments, or hearing how important you are to another person can make one seriously doubt their worth, especially in long-term relationships. (My mother would refer to this as one's emotional bank account--loved ones need to keep a positive balance by making regular "deposits.") I have since learned that if one person, even a very important person in my life, doesn't make these regular deposits, I am still a worthwhile person. Which leads me to share another personal experience.


I was driving back to the apartment when a love song came on the radio, by Bruno Mars. I had heard it a couple of times before and enjoyed the sentiment, but I didn't think anything of it. It is a young man singing to his girl, and the chorus goes like this: 


"When I see your face,
There's not a thing that I would change
'Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are.

When you smile, 
The whole world stops and stares for a while.
'Cause girl you're amazing,
Just the way you are."


For whatever reason, this song struck a chord with me today. It made me feel so good! I didn't picture my husband singing it to me, or any other person; rather, it felt like my heart was singing it to my head. It was a rare moment when I felt completely at peace with myself. Most of the time I am regretting my decisions, wishing I could be somewhere else, further along in my life. But for a moment--the length of a simple love song--I genuinely loved myself, as is.

We should all have the goal to feel this way about ourselves at least once in a while, the utterly balanced feeling that comes with acceptance of who we are and where we are at in life. My sister must have felt like this all the time--that's how she managed to do so much good in her life. She was able to forget herself and serve others; she knew she was centered and could focus on helping others become centered.

Go listen to this song, if you can. Feel amazing about yourself, too!