Tonight was the second time I've read about a disconcerting, recent trend: More and more businesses are banning children from their premises. Don't get me wrong, l enjoy some kid-free time every now and again, but to impose child bans and discriminate against families? Aren't there night clubs and bars for those who want adult only company?
Honestly, I find it more than a little insulting that a business does not want me just because I have a child. I am doing the best I can here, working around my child's needs. I don't go to the store during my child's nap time. I bring food or a toy to keep him entertained; I don't keep him out way past his bedtime and expect everyone else to put up with his cranky behavior. But even if I take the time to plan around his needs, there will be times when he is cranky for reasons beyond my control, past the situations I've anticipated.
Maybe those with low child tolerance should consider spending MORE time around children. Before I had kids, crying and whining would annoy the heck out of me; since having my own I'm actually much less likely to even notice other peoples' children, much less be annoyed. Being around kids has made me less irritable because I can tune it out now. A therapist friend of mine actually says desensitization is one of the most effective ways of dealing with psychological issues as severe as obsessive-compulsive disorder; I think that means desensitizing can work for something as minor as irritability with children.
Also, instead of complaining about all these bratty kids, how about those without kids look for ways to help parents out? Literally. Give up your spot in line so the mom can check out of the store faster if her kids are upset! Something as simple as a smile or a funny face can help distract the child and make them stop crying. (Although I sadly admit even this small act can be misconstrued--stupid pedophiles. I say be nice to kids anyway, so we can build up that trust and faith in one another once again. Just don't be creepy about it.)
These people supporting child bans would also do well to realize that misbehaving is a NORMAL aspect of any child's development. It is abnormal for a three-year-old to sit perfectly still at a restaurant, or not want to get up and move around on a plane. I do agree there are some parents out there who do not want to put their child's needs first and will push the child beyond its limits; these parents are being selfish in causing the child unnecessary distress and disturbing those around them.
The problem lies with how on earth we can differentiate the "pushed beyond limits" scenarios from the "normal developing child" outbursts. One cannot assume that all children are bad or that all parents are horrible for "letting" their child wail inside a restaurant--that is the message these "brat bans" are sending. Sometimes it is simply beyond a parent's control. The parents who already sacrifice and make special efforts to ensure a child is well-behaved should not be punished for the acts of a few who push their children too far.
Even the parents who make those bad choices should still be forgiven. Perhaps they never had good parenting modeled for them, or perhaps the rest of the world flaunting the good times that singles can enjoy derails their best efforts. I can't go out and "party" nearly as often as before I had children, but I like to think I am mature enough to accept that as my current situation in life. There will be time for childless nights later in life. Not everyone else with children can accept that yet.
This topic in particular irks me because of another article I read in a similar vein, about a young Asian couple who sold their kids to play video games instead of raise them. (There is a possibility the story was fake, but I would not be surprised if it really is true.) That and the rest of the world discouraging anyone under the age of 30 from getting married and having families is very disturbing. More and more people are refusing to accept the responsibilities that make a society stable. I am frightened for how the "free singles" will continue to portray those who hold to traditional family values as old-fashioned, second-class citizens.
It's as if we are freezing our society in a permanent stage of adolescence--no ties to any one person or organization, constant self-pleasuring pursuits, and zero adversity (like the struggle to raise kids). This is resulting in a group of people completely incapable of dealing with any real-life problems at all, flitting from one thing to the next, never developing any strength of character, never becoming a better person, never learning to help others become better people. True unity in a society is all about becoming better people, all about helping others. This child ban is yet another way Satan is trying to divide us, to conquer us, to make us fall.
So if we can't really tell which kids are having a bad moment just because and which are having bad moments because of their parents' poor choices, what's the solution? A blanket ban would take care of it, and it would be the easiest solution in many ways. But that doesn't make it right, and it doesn't make us better people. In this case, an active acceptance, with help from everyone is the best solution. Otherwise, I guarantee our society will fall.
All kinds of groups and causes are crying out for unity and tolerance in our world--why are the innocents, our own children, being left out?
