This is definitely an "adult topic," so if you aren't an adult, you might want to check out my other blog posts! :)
And to be clear, I am going to speak out against masturbation, as it typically accompanies the use of pornography. I will also touch on the importance of committed (read: married) heterosexual relationships, so if you disagree with these viewpoints, you don't have to read this post. You are welcome to read it, though!
Recently I engaged in a heated debate online, all in response to a friend posting Matt Walsh's blog post titled, "Married men: your porn habit is an adultery habit." The friend who posted it agreed with Walsh's perspective, as do I. It might not have been the user's original intention, but lusting after others is cheating. Walsh's desire was simply to give another reason to not view pornography, to perhaps strike a chord with men who otherwise will not think twice about consuming this poison. But the vehement denial of the detrimental, destructive force behind the porn industry was absolutely astounding as I read through the comments people posted in response to my friend's original posting. I've been thinking about it ever since.
So often us "prudish" Christians are accused of heaping on guilt and shame that the rest of the world says there is no place for, that we are judging others based on some arbitrary moral code, or that we are hypocrites because there is such a huge problem with Christians who are also porn addicts. There is definitely a disconnect between people who are God fearing and those who laugh at the idea of anything being labeled "evil" - it's like comparing apples and, well, not even oranges. Maybe a better comparison would be apples and rocks.
I have learned that guilt actually has a function in the world, whether or not you believe in God. Guilt, in healthy amounts, serves to encourage a person to change, to become better. Since shame, on the other hand, can lead to problems including addiction, I can understand why others might argue that the reason porn addictions happen is because the addict is forced to keep it hidden, secret. Shame and secrecy is not the reason why pornography is addictive, however. Sure, there can be an additional thrill from keeping it hidden, but that thrill is not the addicting force behind pornography. I'll come back to this later.
For those who are feeling judged, to them I ask this question: If I was telling you to not walk out into traffic, on a highway that I knew was particularly busy, full of potholes, and not well-lit, would you say I am judging you? Us conservatives see pornography as an evil that can and should be guarded against, and all we want to do is WARN OTHERS of its dangers, not judge you for having fallen into its trap. Most people who view pornography are not evil. They are ordinary men (and women) who have come across it accidentally and been fed eloquent lies about its "harmless" nature so they keep looking at it. If anything, this experience has taught me that most people are just plain naive about pornography.
As for Christians being hypocrites because we struggle with it, too - doesn't that prove that even those who are actively striving to keep pornography out of their lives are having a hard time with it? There is nothing wrong with saying something is bad and then admitting we have a hard time with it, too. Sometimes I think we forget that religion, Christ's atonement, and church in general is for sinners. Jesus was called the great physician, which implies that we are all his patients - we all have ailments that we need His help to cure.
I never thought I'd have to say this to another adult, but the fact that a large group of people is doing something is NOT A VALID ARGUMENT FOR PARTICIPATING IN IT YOURSELF. Shockingly, one of the biggest arguments supporting the use of pornography was that "Everyone else is doing it." It was like these people were saying, "I've jumped off the cliff (viewed porn) that everyone else keeps jumping off of dozens of times, and I haven't died (become addicted/destroyed a relationship/killed anyone). That means it's okay and natural. It also isn't illegal." (I'll get back to the laws of the land soon.)
What's worse is one of these people arguing for porn mentioned a relative of theirs that was seriously addicted and cheating on their spouse. Isn't that proof enough of how insidious pornography is? Their argument: "My spouse and I use porn, and we're not addicted. It's because we're not hiding it. Hiding it is the reason [the relative] went off the deep end." I'm paraphrasing, but this is basically what was said. This person was completely dismissing the studies that show viewing pornography alters the brain in the same ways as cocaine, as the reward centers of the brain are stimulated, regardless of whether or not the activity is "hidden." It goes back to the idea that "nothing bad has happened to us, so we're going to keep doing it."
Here's where the really insidious part comes in: Cocaine (and other drugs) eventually leave the system as the user stops taking it in and they "detox." There is NO DETOX PROCESS for pornography addicts. Those images are in the brain forever - in ANY viewer's brain forever - and they can be recalled at any time. The pornographic images can come to the forefront of the mind even without the person's consent, meaning that even if someone is trying to be clean, those images can come to mind completely unbidden, at any time, anywhere.
As with other drugs, if no efforts are made to stop consuming pornography, the brain craves more stimulation the longer it is exposed. This means aggression and violence are then added to the mix, to hit that same level of stimulation that triggers the release of that hormonal reward. That person's view of the once-beautiful sexual intimacy is warped and twisted, until you get someone like Ted Bundy, the American serial killer. No, not everyone who looks at porn becomes a serial killer, but why take the risk when NO HARM comes from avoiding it?
I know the rest of the world mocks the idea of abstinence or restraint of any kind, but what harm comes from NOT viewing porn? If anything, it would mean fewer computer viruses! Why do we support the person who does not drink because his father was an alcoholic, yet the rest of the world mocks someone who chooses to avoid pornography - a substance that is much more addictive? Why do we have to wait for "research" to tell us that yes, pornography is indeed bad, when it costs us nothing to refrain from it now?
Another interesting argument supporting the use of pornography is for those married couples who are not "equally matched" in their libido. It does sound logical that the higher libido spouse would use porn to "burn off" some of that excess energy, but this is just another way the pornography industry is trying to "normalize" itself. It also caters to the idea that sexual pleasure is the end all, be all to life, when it is just one component to happiness.
A few months ago I came across a statement from Doug Mainwaring, a gay man who is against same-sex marriage. He believes so strongly that children deserve both a father and a mother to raise them (I wholeheartedly agree) that this man is sacrificing his sexual pleasure by living with his ex-wife to raise their children - or at least that's what I gathered from the article. Now, I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that whole arrangement, but the idea of sacrificing his sexual urges in an effort to be there for his children - him saying that his children are more important than having sex - supports what I say about sexual pleasure not being the sole purpose to life.
Using porn to compensate for uneven libido between partners is a dangerous shortcut, especially considering pornography's addictive properties, whether the difference in sex drive is brought on from disinterest or illness. There are other ways for a couple with this sort of problem to work things out, it just takes a little longer - something completely unappealing in our world of immediate satisfaction. This is also unappealing to many because it will probably mean some sacrifice on one or both sides, and the rest of the world teaches that we don't "have" to give that up, that sexual expression in all its forms is true freedom. This is a lie, as clearly evidenced by those who struggle with porn and sexual addictions for ten, twenty years (or even longer), those who are trapped by those supposed freedoms, unable to lead a normal life. I've even heard of recovering porn addicts who have to go completely "tech free" for a while when a particularly strong resurgence threatens to drag them down again, all because of the "freedom" of watching porn those first few times.
Masturbation has become such a common practice that it is often laughed at and joked about, to the point that some people reading this post will question why I'm taking it so seriously. Viewing pornography and then masturbating often happens together, and again, I have heard the argument that "everybody does it," therefore it's not wrong. Masturbation as defined by my church states that it is self-abuse, not even self-love, which is how I used to think of it. Masturbation is a self-indulgent practice that warps the sexual drive's intended use - to unify a married couple - into something selfish, done alone to satisfy those sexual urges without having to do any real work in a relationship. "It is a perversion of the body's passions."
Masturbation is not physically necessary, either. No one ever died from not having sex, as a counselor once said to me, followed with the scientific fact that the male system expels excess sperm during "nocturnal emissions" or "wet dreams." Women also have "wet dreams" that perform a similar release, and everyone can relieve physical and emotional tension with a good old-fashioned workout. If we started expecting more from our teenagers by encouraging abstinence (and restraint overall), we would have fewer out-of-wedlock pregnancies, fewer sexually-transmitted diseases, and a generation that could handle waiting to have their desires met. It is okay to practice restraint!
Finally, I have been told that not all pornographic web sites are illegal. This means nothing to me. I don't support a lot of what my government "approves." The entire pornography industry is rotten, wicked, and evil - entertainment designed for the sole purpose of capturing its consumers, body and soul. Looking at ANY porn is like stepping into a pool. Sure, your end might be shallow ("soft" porn), but it is the same water. You are essentially supporting child pornography and other vile practices every time you consume it.
If there is any anger that has come across in this post, I want to assure you that it is directed at pornography itself and those who support its production, not at those who have been caught up in it or those that have been lied to their entire lives about its "harmless" nature. There is nothing harmless about this destructive, insidious practice. There is help out there, though! And there is also help for those who have a spouse that is struggling with addiction. (I believe women can be a great force for good in helping their husbands overcome pornography addiction - not to say only men have this problem, just that it is more statistically likely). I will include a few websites at the end of this post for those seeking help.
Sexual intimacy is a beautiful aspect of our human experience in this life. We do not need to look outside of our marriages for fulfillment, and we need to protect our loved ones from the warping influences of pornography. That means taking steps to educate ourselves and taking measures to make our homes safer. Add filters and blocks to computers and televisions. Put computers in a main living area of the home. Check children's smartphones, email, and Facebook accounts regularly for sexual activity. Ask partners on a regular basis if he or she has looked at porn. Talk about it. Provide a safety net for your family for when any of you encounter it. This is not a matter of oppression or guilt, it's a matter of keeping each other free from harm and free from addiction. Avoiding it costs nothing; every intentional encounter could cost everything.
http://overcomingpornography.org/individuals/overcoming-addiction-through-the-atonement?lang=eng
http://www.lds.org/manual/a-parents-guide/chapter-5-teaching-adolescents-from-twelve-to-eighteen-years?lang=eng
http://themattwalshblog.com/2013/11/25/married-men-your-porn-habit-is-an-adultery-habit/
http://www.covenanteyes.com/2013/02/19/pornography-statistics/
