Being Alone

My apologies for not posting last night--totally skipped my mind! Anyway, today's post is about being alone. It is not good to spend too much time alone. We are social animals and have needs that can only be met by other flesh and blood creatures. Our minds become damaged, start playing tricks, without regular contact with others; perhaps this is why some of the worst torture involves solitary confinement. But my mind keeps turning to a particular movie quote and the parallel it represents to our very real fight against Satan.

In the fifth Harry Potter film, "The Order of the Phoenix," Luna Lovegood and Harry have a brief conversation about Voldemort's return. Harry is upset that no one seems to believe him, and he feels utterly alone. Luna replies, "But I suppose that's how he wants you to feel... if I were You-Know-Who, I'd want you to feel cut off from everyone else. Because if it's just you alone, you're not as much of a threat." This line rang true to me the moment I heard it, and it still rings true. It is more subtle than the traditional war term "divide and conquer," where an opposing army would literally cut enemy soldiers off from one another, but more insidious because of its subtlety.

Since graduating college and having a child, I have spent a lot of time at home, alone. I have never considered myself an extrovert, but even this much time alone is trying. The monotony itself is bad enough; add a testy toddler and forget about adult conversation. Like I said in my playgroup post, I can't get a meaningful word in edgewise, even when I do make the effort to leave the apartment. And this is why Luna's comment to Harry is so important to me: Satan wants me to feel cut off from the world, forgotten, because on my own, I am not as much of a threat.

In our church, there is a program for the women called the Relief Society. The organization was established back in the 1800s as a way of keeping track of the members' needs. The current system assigns two women to visit a few sisters, once a month, during what is called "visiting teaching." This way every member (ideally) is guaranteed at least two lines of contact with the ward, the bishop, the church, and every sister is given the opportunity to feel the Spirit in her home. The bishop can't always visit every member, in each of their homes. That is why visiting and home teaching are so important--the individual members of the ward act as eyes and ears for the bishop, and we all share the responsibility of caring for one another.

During these visits, the women share messages of the gospel with each other and try to ascertain if the sister being visited has any needs that the ward can help fill. This can range from priesthood blessings, to meals when they are sick, to babysitting and even yard work. It's also a way to become friends with people you might not otherwise get to know. A lot of the time visiting teachers are able to find out these other sisters' needs because of their persistent, regular visits; the sister comes to trust her visiting teachers and can confide in them.

This program is very valuable, and nearly perfect, in theory. The problem I have is inconsistent (or nonexistent) visiting teachers, during the times in my life when I could benefit the most from them. I try very hard to separate the weaknesses of the individual visiting teacher from the overall program. I even make it a point to be an extra good visiting teacher myself, taking the lack of attention as a reminder to visit my sisters more often. It still hurts, though. I didn't even get a sympathy card from my visiting teachers when my sister died last year. (I really need to let that one go... I did receive a few cards from other friends, so I know at least someone was thinking of me.)

So not only am I cut off from the world because of the nature of being a mom, and because of snowy winters, I am made to feel neglected because I expect these visiting teachers to care about me. The extra tricky part here is I have to forgive these unknown women. And not for some altruistic reasons--if I hold on to any grudges towards these women, I am only hurting myself. Keeping that pain will make it hard for any future sisters to visit me, and it could cause me to lose faith in the entire program. Then I will be isolating myself, making it even easier for Satan to get to me!

Well, I'm on to you now. As Jesus once said, Get thee behind me, Satan! 

Does anyone else feel a little triumphant right now? Because I really am not alone. I have many friends and family who care about me, and many others that I can care about. Sometimes the best cure for my "woe is me lonely blues" is to serve someone. Good thing I get to go visiting teaching tonight. Oh, there's another great quality about the visiting teaching program: it can take our mind off of our own problems! :)