A Cultural Comparison: From America to Africa!

This past weekend I decided to go down to a neighboring state to visit a friend of mine and take a break from the kids. As a way to make my trip less expensive, I used the local ride board to find passengers. I had only one round-trip rider, and the two people I was supposed to pick up on my way back canceled on me last minute. I was disappointed at first, but little did I know it would lead to an amazing opportunity to speak with my remaining passenger.

I currently live in a college town, and that means there are a few international students. It just so happened that my passenger was one of them - Elizabeth, (name has been changed) who comes from Nigeria! I have an innate curiosity about other countries, cultures and customs, so we spent the next few hours talking about how she came to this part of the country, what she thinks of everything here, and all about her home.

It took Elizabeth close to 48 hours to fly here, first flying from Nigeria to Egypt for a layover, then taking a plane from Egypt to the States. She mentioned really liking Egypt, and seeing the people there and here just makes her wonder how Heavenly Father did it, making us all look so diverse when we all came from the same parent. (I think she was referring to Adam and Eve.) It made me think about how us Americans tend to think of God and Jesus as white, even in our art, but Jesus was Hebrew. I know His countenance is described in the scriptures as pure and white, but I picture Him more as an olive-skinned, Mediterranean-looking man.

Disclaimer
I want to acknowledge that while my new friend is from a foreign country, I'm not so naive as to assume her views are a complete representation of the people and life there. She has been in the States for over a year now, and her English is very good - I was shocked to learn it is her FOURTH LANGUAGE, it's that good - but there is always the chance for misunderstanding. So if anyone ever reads this and says I got it all wrong, keep in mind that is not my intention! (Although I think we understood each other fairly well :)  
 
Women and Education
Elizabeth decided to come here for school primarily because she wanted to be around people who share her standards (meaning the same religion). She also has a strong desire to have an education so she can take care of herself. Poverty is a huge issue in Nigeria, and even if you have a college education, you still can end up with a job that only pays you enough to just scrape by. 

Elizabeth also values an education in the event she gets married one day, has children, and her husband dies or divorces her - which is what our church believes. (Our church encourages everyone to pursue their education, men and women, for the reasons Elizabeth shared.) However, for Elizabeth I think the reason goes deeper than just heeding the counsel of the Brethren of the church. 
 
She shared with me a couple poignant examples - realistic situations in Nigeria. Picture an uneducated woman with ten children, living on her husband's salary. Then imagine her husband suddenly dies. There is no life insurance in Africa, no pension plans, unemployment or welfare. That woman now has no way to care for her family, and in her frustration, she beats her children when they misbehave because she doesn't know what to do.

Now picture that same woman with her ten children, except her husband doesn't die. Imagine instead that the husband blatantly cheats on his wife, and he even brings the mistress home with him. The wife will then cook and clean for that mistress, hoping that the husband won't ask for a divorce. If he does, the wife will be forced to leave, along with all her children. She gets nothing, because in Nigeria, they do not have the same divorce laws. It is seen as the man's house, and she has to get out.

Food
I asked Elizabeth what the hardest thing was for her to adjust to living here, and she immediately answered, "The food!" We do have rice, tomatoes, and fruit here, but it's not the same as back home. She doesn't like the cheese here, or our soups, and all our food has too much sugar in it here. Elizabeth mentioned her visiting teachers bringing her cookies when they visit - a very nice, very typical gesture here in the States - but she can't handle how sweet our treats are! Everything is very rich when it comes to goodies. 

She does think our chicken is bland compared to what she's used to, and she misses things like goat meat and snails (they buy snails at the grocery store like the French do - escargot). Every so often she cooks a traditional meal for her roommates, and I recalled a friend of mine who served a mission in Africa mentioning a peanut butter stew. Elizabeth said yes, she knows how to make that, but the peanut butter here is completely different than back home, so it's not quite the same. There are other foods she mentioned that I don't recall the name because there is no American equivalent. I asked if there is any food she DOES like here, and she said, "Pizza!" I laughed - it's funny how there are so many versions of pizza, and they're almost all good. She also likes burgers and lasagna, although that is technically Italian food, as well as mashed potatoes. I asked if that meant they don't have potatoes, but Elizabeth said they do, they just always prepare it in one of two ways - fried or boiled in stews.

Clothes, Music, Television and Driving
Next I asked about clothing and music - obviously the clothing here is different just because the cold season here is so much colder than in Nigeria, but stylistically Elizabeth said the clothes are London-influenced more than American-influenced. Since she is from the capital city, there is a bit of diversity as representatives from other countries come in and try to help Nigeria rebuild its economy and train the people in better business practices. The music is VERY different however, and at first she didn't know how to dance to our pop music :)

I asked about their television shows, and she says it's pretty much like it is here. She did grow up watching a lot of American movies, which is probably why her English is so good. 

Elizabeth doesn't have a license yet, but it's mostly because she didn't have a car in Nigeria and she doesn't have one here. The driving laws are a lot more lax in her country, so there are a lot of laws that are new to her living here. The police don't usually pull you over, and if they do, they will only sometimes give you a ticket to pay a fine. The prevailing attitude is "You want to break the law? You want to speed and put yourself at risk for an accident? Go ahead, you can be stupid and die." Keep in mind, this is not said with ANY spite - it's a very matter-of-fact attitude. They do drive on the right-hand side of the road, but their legal driving age is 18 instead of 16 (although it's not enforced - if you look big/old enough to drive, the cops leave you alone).  

Weather and Animals
In Nigeria their weather is divided into two seasons: the hot dry season, with temperatures ranging from 55 degrees (Fahrenheit) at night, up to 104 degrees in the daytime; and the wet season, from April to October, has heavy rain every other day, and the temperature stays between 70 and 82 degrees morning and night. Elizabeth laughs when it rains here and people say it's pouring - we have NO idea what heavy rain really looks like! And she loved seeing it snow for the first time. She remembers describing it to her father and family back home - "It's cold! It tastes like ice and it feels like you're standing in a refrigerator!" But she hasn't gone out and played in it, like snowboarding or skiing.

I asked what kind of animals they have in Nigeria, and Elizabeth said there are pretty much the same animals as here. Dogs, cats, rats - definitely more snakes, though. There are no animal laws or regulations in Nigeria, like how here if you don't spay or neuter your pet you have to be a licensed breeder or pay fines. Elizabeth told me a story about how her mother loved dogs and they used to have a huge pack running around their property because the dogs kept breeding. Her dad would then try and sell the puppies behind the mother's back, but she would just go out and buy more! 

Racism
Sadly, Elizabeth said she experienced racism for the first time coming to America, and it surprised her. It wasn't just because it feels awful to be discriminated against. (I had a tiny taste of that when I was in California and had to go to a health center where almost everyone there was Mexican, from the patients to the doctors. I had arrived for my baby's appointment 15 minutes early, but I wasn't seen until an hour and a half later, while 6 other non-white patients who arrived after me - not in critical condition and had later appointments than me - were seen first.) She was so surprised because she knows that if white people visit Nigeria, they are treated like a celebrity. People will ask you to take pictures with them just so they can say they were with a white person. 

Elizabeth then related to me how she thinks our skin is so pretty. She loves and appreciates her own skin, and she wouldn't trade it or change it even if she could, but our skin looks beautiful to her. Even going to the temple here is especially wonderful to her because all the white temple workers "look like angels."

Temples and Households
Speaking of temples, she shared with me how her father goes to the temple every month. They live 15 hours away from the nearest temple! Her father's dedication is humbling, especially considering how hard it is to make money and find jobs in Nigeria. Here in America we take for granted how close we live to our temples; we don't have to spend an entire weekend traveling, spending our hard earned money on trip expenses just to do a temple session. That is how much her father values his religion, and she said his example inspires her.

Her father inspired Elizabeth in other ways, too. She never wanted to cause trouble or disobey her father because she saw how hard he worked to provide for them, despite their mother passing away when she was only 9 years old. Her siblings were all at boarding schools, so she was the main emotional support for him while he was constantly working and on the road for work. Apparently in Nigeria the men do not know how to cook at all or maintain a household, so Elizabeth had to be the wife and mother, cooking and cleaning after school. And they don't have washing machines for clothes out there. Everything is washed by hand.

Schools and Breakfasts
I asked Elizabeth how the schools worked out there, like what ages and how long their days last. Here we typically put our 5 year olds in kindergarten, then 6 to 12 is elementary school, followed by junior high or middle school for ages 12-14, ending with high school, 14-18. 

In Nigeria, kids go to school as early as 2 years of age, for four-hour school days. Then it's a few versions of primary school from 4 to 11, a middle school of sorts for ages 11 to 13, and high school from 13 to 17. Boarding school is very typical, and she recalls her school days going from 8 am to 2 pm, break from 2-4 pm, then more school from 4-6 pm, another break, then class from 9-10 pm. Tuition for school is the U.S. equivalent of $2 for a semester, but there are plenty of families who still cannot afford even that small amount.

If you are enrolled in school, you have to come clean and well-groomed. For example, if you don't change your braids (wash your hair) once a week, the teachers will beat you and send you home, so all the students are very careful to make sure they are washed for school. That is certainly different than in America!

When I asked about traditional breakfast foods, she told me wealthier people in Nigeria are the ones who tend to eat breakfast cereals like Americans, but it doesn't really matter what you eat in the morning. There isn't a cultural norm for breakfast. That is, if you have anything to eat at all. Even with her father working hard, long hours, they would go without food some days. 

Money and Work
In Nigeria you are paid a monthly salary. Elizabeth described her first job out of high school - something considered a "good" job out there - and how she worked twelve hours a day and earned the U.S. equivalent of $100 per MONTH. Now she can braid other black girls' hair while living in the States, doing their weave, and she can earn $100-$200 in a single weekend. It's something she picked up in Nigeria, a small job she could do when she was younger to help earn money, and it's still useful here. 

Something else that's interesting about the workplace in Nigeria is that your boss is not your friend. Coming to America, Elizabeth will see people joking around with their boss, even having them as a "friend" on Facebook, and it blows her mind. In Nigeria you have to be tough, distant and cold or your employees will walk all over you, or you won't be seen as competent enough to run a successful business. Elders in general are highly feared and respected, and it surprises Elizabeth how open and relaxed the relationships are here between bosses and employees, or even between fathers and their children. (She overheard a roommate telling someone on the phone about how the roommate had kissed a guy for the first time, and Elizabeth had to ask if the roommate was actually talking so openly with her own father or just a friend!)

I admire Elizabeth's work ethic. The attitude in Nigeria is you have to survive, no matter what that takes. Elizabeth came here and took a job as an early morning custodian, cleaning bathrooms at 4 am on the college campus, because that's what was available and she has to earn money. She meets other students who turn their noses up at the job, saying it's "too hard" or that they "could never do it," and their attitude completely astounds her. There are so many jobs out here, and close to nothing in Nigeria, she can't imagine people being so proud as to turn down any opportunity to work. 

On the one hand, it's wonderful being in a country that takes care of its people and provides so many opportunities, through student loans and other government assistance, but on the other hand, it makes people lazy. She doesn't want to have anything to do with the guys here that are too proud to scrub toilets at 4 in the morning.

Dating
This leads me to the topic of dating. Back home in Nigeria, the boys find a girl they think is pretty and want to get to know, and they ask her to be his girlfriend. There is no dating until you are boyfriend and girlfriend. Of course, Elizabeth says you never say yes the first time - the guy has to keep asking, and after a few months the girl can say yes - and girls NEVER ask the guys out, because that makes her look desperate and too easy. I like that their men don't get discouraged with a simple "no" like the boys here in America. It proves to the girl that his interest is sincere, and if she resists, it makes the guy feel like the girl he's interested in is worth his effort by how much she resists. 

Elizabeth doesn't like dating here for a few reasons. If she is busy and has to say no to a date request simply because of a scheduling conflict, the guys here give up instead of trying again. She is also more physical than the men here are used to - holding hands on the first date doesn't mean the same level of commitment in Nigeria than it does here - so that scares off the guys that do happen to try again. It's also too vague for her - she is always wondering where she stands with a guy since over here you date for a while THEN decided if you want to be boyfriend and girlfriend, rather than just be boyfriend/girlfriend first. 

Then there are the jerks who only date Elizabeth because she is black and they basically just want to know what it's like to kiss a black girl. They date her, have a little fun, then break it off because their cultures are "just too different." She says that if it was a matter of their personalities not being compatible, that would be fine, she could understand that. When a guy dates her, knowing from the very beginning she's from a different country, however, (which is pretty obvious because of her skin as well as her accent) he shouldn't use that as an excuse to end things. I told her I was sorry that guys were just using her (I really did feel bad for her). But like with everything else, Elizabeth smiled and said there are always more guys to date, ones that appreciate her and don't use her.  

Names, Humor, and Holidays
A few times during our conversation Elizabeth would imitate something she's heard Americans say here, and she NAILED the accent every time! It was so funny :) We started talking about names, since hers is rather American, and she told me how most names in Nigeria translate to something like "Blessing from God" or "Joy and Peace." She does have a Nigerian middle name (something else I had asked if they do, since not everyone does middle names), and then I explained while our names don't necessarily have meanings like that, they are often passed down from our relatives, picked special as a way to remember our family. 

I recalled how in Asian countries they tend to just make up names based on sounds they like, and that reminded Elizabeth of a joke she had heard a Nigerian comedian tell. According to this comedian, Asians pick names by filling a pot of water, dropping a rock inside, and then using the sound it makes to name their baby! While this is totally racist, it sounded almost exactly the same as another joke I heard here in America: Asians pick names by throwing their pots and pans down the stairs. It was hilarious to me that two completely different cultures could have the same joke, the same view of a third unique culture!

As for holidays, Elizabeth says Christmas and New Years are a big deal, but that's about it. They don't do Halloween, and their independence day isn't a big deal like it is here. At the most, a few high school students will do a little something, but that's it. They have  Children's Day, although she's not sure what it's really supposed to be about, and Easter is mentioned in passing, if at all.

For some reason, Elizabeth can't say some of our English words, like "squirrel." Fortunately I was able to comfort her, because she isn't the only one who can't say that word - apparently Germans can't pronounce it correctly, either. We had a good laugh about that!

Conclusion
I loved my experience talking with Elizabeth. She shared a lot of herself in the experience and didn't seem annoyed or tired with all my questions. I admire her strength and spiritual convictions, as well as her bravery for coming to a foreign country thousands of miles from home. I consider myself a hard worker (I too did the early morning custodial job when I was in school), but her view of the world helped remind me that I still take a lot of what I have for granted. My situation could be so much worse. 

I wish everyone had the chance to talk to people from other countries, to gain a new perspective and be more grateful for what we have here. I think she enjoyed my company as well, even though she is surrounded by white people now and you'd think she'd be tired of answering questions like mine. People from other countries want to know about us, too, and I like to think that's partly why she did talk with me so much. 

I love that Elizabeth knows exactly who she is, and she is happy because of it. I am so glad I met her, if you couldn't tell :p