Clean Freak

After about a nine month hiatus, I'm back! Let's see if I can get back into the swing of this whole writing thing.

I once read a John Bytheway book, one of the "What I Wish I Knew When I Was ___," (single, married, etc.) and something he wrote in there stuck with me. It was about how no matter what stage of life you're in, someone somewhere will ask why you're not taking the next step, or doing more with your life. When you're single, the question is always if you're dating someone. If you're dating someone, the question is when's the wedding. If you're married, when are you having kids; if you have a kid, when are you having more, and so on. 

In response to all this pressure we experience, a plethora of pithy phrases have surfaced over the years, ones that usually end up crafted onto something wooden and hung in a prominent place at home, or at least "pinned" to a virtual board. One phrase in particular actually really bothers me, especially now that I am in charge of my own home. The sign I am thinking of says something along the lines of "Messy home, happy kids."

Ah, just found it on good ol' Pinterest: "Good moms have sticky floors, messy kitchens, laundry piles, dirty ovens, and happy kids." (In my head I just read that with a June-Cleaver-hyped-up-on-Valium voice... Ironic since the 1950s mom was supposed to have everything together, including both a clean home AND happy kids, which is actually going to be my point eventually.)

This sentiment bothers me for two reasons. One, it implies that those moms with clean homes have unhappy kids. Two, it feels like an excuse to be messy. 

I value a clean, organized living space, and I value not having to do it all myself. It can be really irritating teaching a toddler/preschooler how to pick up after himself, but I have to remind myself it is an investment for the future. I am teaching him how to share responsibilities in the home, how to take care of his own temporal needs, and how to take care of and appreciate those things that are under his stewardship.

Recently I started watching a television show on Netflix called "Clean House," a show where contestants are viewed living in their cluttered, dirty homes and then given a home makeover. During the process they are forced to sort through all of their belongings and encouraged to give most of it up to sell at a yard sale in order to earn the money needed to re-do their home. And I can guarantee that the families with children in those sticky-floored, dirty-oven, laundry-piled houses are NOT happy.

Of course, that is the extreme, but it does mean the pithy Pinterest saying is losing ground. I'll even use my husband as an example. When we first got married, he told me he did not care or notice if the apartment was a mess. Eventually, as he participated more often and more willingly in the chores, (after much persuasion... :) his attitude changed. 

He started to take pride in having freshly washed dishes, a swept floor, and a clean microwave. Having a clean apartment made him feel better, happier, and mostly because he was the one doing the cleaning. Like I said recently to a mom my age who was worried about liking her clean house too much: There is nothing wrong with taking pride in a job well done. And so it is with children.

Children are very sensitive to the mood in a room, and a clean, organized environment can make them feel better (not to mention we are taught in church that a clean home is conducive to inviting the Holy Ghost into our homes). Kids like to know they did a good job, with anything they do, and that they can make a real contribution in the home. 

My mom always noticed two things about her kids when we were growing up: Fruit was only eaten when someone else washed and/or sliced it (meaning her); and kids only like to play (make a new mess) in a clean room. I have come to know for myself that those two philosophies are absolutely true!

So I strongly disagree with the idea that me taking pride in keeping my home neat most of the time is at the expense of my family's happiness. On the contrary, I believe keeping a clean home can provide the perfect grounds FOR happiness.

But in all fairness, everything we do needs to be in moderation. Maybe some of us "neat-freaks" are being a little too controlling and need to allow our kids the chance to make messes. And maybe those of us who strongly believe in messy homes need to acknowledge we can do better about cleaning and organizing on a daily basis, for the sake of teaching our children home-life responsibilities and how to invite the Spirit into our homes.