Self-Help

Sometimes when I am bored I peruse the Yahoo Answers page, looking for questions I can possibly answer. My responses are often picked as "best answer" by readers and by the actual question writer. It makes me wonder if I would be a good advice columnist. However, I have noticed a trend in people's problems, at least the ones I felt remotely competent to answer. 

For all the depressed people who ask why they are so depressed, I have a few standard answers, even for the ones who claim to have clinical depression and that their medication just doesn't cut it. The first thing I mention is everything physical. Get regular sleep, at the same time every day and for enough hours a day. Exercise daily, because working out makes you feel better and helps your sleep to be higher quality. 

Then I go on to suggest they start some sort of regular volunteer work, according to their interests. If they like animals, then they should volunteer at an animal shelter. If they like people, then an old folks' home; if they like reading or children, then work at the local library reading to underprivileged kids. Taking the focus off your own problems helps your issues not seem so big anymore.

I then tell them to not give up on it because it might take a few weeks or even months before they see any real difference in their lives. Finally, I mention religion, since religion can give us purpose for our lives, and I suggest they take a look at mormon.org. It might be a cowardly way to share the Gospel since everything is anonymous when I write these replies, but maybe religion would never occur to these people otherwise.

Another typical question is what teenage girls should do if they're pregnant. I strongly urge them to give up the baby for adoption, making it sound heroic to do so, since the world has started revering single mothers. It's one thing if the husband dies or runs out on the family--those mothers don't have any choice in the matter. It's another thing entirely to purposely choose to raise children in such a disadvantaged manner. I tell them it will take courage, but there are social workers who can help guide them in their decisions.

I once gave some advice to an angry-sounding husband, who was probably just looking for justification to leave his wife. I suggested some good communication skills he could learn, the idea that forgiveness is vital in any relationship, and that he should give his wife the benefit of the doubt. That reply was not chosen as "best answer;" I probably said a few things he really did not want to hear.

Anyway, I wrote this post after reading an article about how most self-help books are worthless. One book the article mentioned that is actually worth reading is Stephen Covey's "7 Habits of Highly Effective People." The reason books like this actually work is because they don't promise fast, easy results and focus on the basics of good human behavior (honesty, thrift, self-control). 

Change isn't supposed to be easy, especially when it comes to one's behavior. Hopefully the few bits of advice floating out there in cyberspace give the impression that to be happy takes time. It's a choice, an active process, and it takes time to see results.